God Promises Me . . . . (and you too)

I'm broken tonight. Crushed by a situation I put myself into. Where was God when I got myself into this mess? I know where He was. He was right there wanting to tell me the right way to go, which decision to make. But I had pushed Him aside years before this decision was made and wouldn't have listened to Him even if I could have heard Him. I could run my own life. Sound familiar?

And Satan is really trying to beat me up tonight. Have you ever heard this record in your mind?

      " You knew that decision was wrong and did it anyway so you deserve this pain. All those years, WASTED and now it's too late to do anything for God. Besides, 17 years of sin is an awful lot for Him to overlook . . . oh sure, He'll forgive you and all like He said, but you KNOW you won't ever be worth anything to Him, right? You had your chance and you blew it. All you are worth now is filling a pew on Sunday mornings and being an example to all the children, youth and young people of what not to do!"

Yes, I know those are lies. I know in my head that those words are lies. I'm trying hard to make God's Promises to me into heart knowlege. Tonight I'm standing on these:

But I will never stop loving her, not let My promise to her fail. No, I will not break my covenant; I will not take back a single word I said. ~Ps.89:33-34

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in me will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. ~Phil. 1:6

God is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. ~Ps. 46:1

The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me: your love, O Lord, endures forever—do not abandon the works of Your hands. ~Ps. 138:8

The Lord is close to those who are brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. ~Ps. 34:18

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [curing their pains and their sorrows]. ~Ps. 147:3

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in His love He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. ~Zeph.3:17

Tonight I can only lay before the Lord in my grief, but this is what I have to say:

Forgive me Father. I knew when I walked away from you that it was wrong but I was so hurt and allowed myself to be mislead. Then a few years later I made a choice that destroyed my life, the lives of my children, and the lives of others whom I love dearly. I know that You are rearranging my life so that I may have the life Your Word promises. But it hurts and I am devastated, angry, full of remorse and guilt, hate and love, and regret for the many years I wasted. I can't do anything but cry before you tonight. Your Word Says in Romans 8:28:

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

I do love you, Father. I hope I am called according to your purpose. Please forgive me. Please heal me and restore me to the joy I once knew with you. Please help me find the heart knowlege of Your love for me.